Inadequacy of Motherhood

There is no such thing as inadequacy as a mother. Its hard. Its scary. But as long as we are trying things will work out. I always had a picture in my mind of how motherhood would be---I wasn't completely off, but its defiantly different then I expected. Its a lot harder. There is so much more worry. Im worried about her in the present and in the future. I think about her pretty much every second of everyday. Dallas and I are really trying to be good parents. And although there are a few things that Im NOT good at:
** I dont like to clip her nails so they are long until my sis/sis-in-law clip them.
** I'm still scared to feed her a bottle because she chokes(not so much any more but she use to), and I'm use to breastfeeding.
** I dont like hearing her sad or cry so the second I hear her sad I get nervous---especially when other people are holding her because I dont want them to think I have a fussy baby and I'm a bad Mom.
**I still dont like to take her in public that much---too many germ. (I need to get over this one)
**And many many more
BUT despite these things I'm not so good at, I also have many things that I am good at. I am trying so hard to be a good Mom. I love my baby more then I could even imagine. She is being raised by parents that care about her. She is being raised by parents that love her. She is a happy baby who loves to talk to us and be around us. There is no such thing as inadequacy of motherhood---as long as you are trying.

~MaRcH MaDdNeSs~

**I cant believe March has come....and almost gone.**

I had my 24th birthday...CRAZY! It was a relaxing day hanging out with Kinz, and then dinner and ice cream with our little family. Dallas made me a cake---but after orange leaf my stomach could stretch no further. Oh...and I got some sweet new kicks (as well as pants, treats, $$$)!

We went and visited my Grandma Schaat---Kinzlee LOVED her!! She laughed and giggled the whole night! It was really cute!

Kinzlee is a strong little girl. She loves to kick and wiggle. She is holding her head up so good and discovered her hands a few weeks ago. She attempts to suck her thumb, but Daddy quickly replaces her thumb with a binky! I think its rather cute...but he DOES NOT want a thumb-sucker :)

She still loves her baths! We have a little routine--feed, bath, bed. We started by putting her to bed around 10:30, and now she goes to be no later then 9:00 and usually is ready before then! Dallas has been great at the nightly routine, while I get things ready for work the next day. She usually sleeps 10-12 hours...which is GREAT....but that means I dont get to feed her in the morning so I really miss her all day.

She loves to sleep with her hands like this!! 

She poops once a day (either at noon or 5)...and usually it looks like this....

 

She went to church for the first time where exactly 4 people touched her face (WHYYYY?). Drives me nuts, and thats why I dont want to go to church or any other public place. I have no problem with people telling me she is beautiful, but unless I have seen you wash your hands, or use sanitizer...dont touch my baby. Thank you. Oh, and she did really good at church. She is an angel!
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I have one day a week off from work. I call it our 'girls day' because Dallas is at school. This week I painted her nails, went to lunch with Sadie & Charlee AND got her ears pierced!! Sadie held her while I looked away. She cried for a solid minute--the saddest cry in the whole world, and I felt like a terrible mom--but she was just fine in a few minutes. They dont seem bother her, and she looks SO DANG CUTE!

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Kinzlee is really starting to talk. Its more like a yell/jabber, but its been so fun. She will chuckle and giggle, and Dallas and I have a competition on if she will say Da Da first or Ma Ma. She just smiles at us---as if she is saying--'You dorks!' She looks like she wants to roll over sometimes, and trys to sit up when we are changing her diaper. She is pulling her feet up a lot more, so I wouldn't be surprised if she discovers her feet soon! She DOES NOT like to be left alone. If we leave the room she starts to get sad, but as long as we have her in her bumbo and pack her around she is happy happy. She truly brings so much joy and happiness into our lives.

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~**"“Yes, life is precious! No one can cuddle a cherished newborn baby, look into those beautiful eyes, feel the little fingers, and caress that miraculous creation without deepening reverence for life and for our Creator. Life comes from life. It is a gift from our Heavenly Father. It is eternal, as he is eternal.”~** -Russel M. Nelson

**As I hold my little one in my arms I study her perfect wrinkles, her little fingers, her flawless skin, and its as if she knows I'm starring at her-- she opens her beautiful blue eyes and smiles.**

Moments like these literally take my breath away. When I look into her eyes I know I am getting a glimpse of heaven. I have honestly never felt so much purpose in life. I love waking up in the morning knowing that I get to cuddle Kinzlee girl. She is growing up way to fast. Here's what Kinzlee's little life looks like so far at almost 3 months old:

**She sleeps through the night (7-9 hours), and has for almost a month now! I remember waking up one morning and it was light in our room...I jumped up and ran to her room where she was fast asleep! Its so refreshing being able to sleep again.

**She's a petite little girl. At her 2 month check up she weighed 9.6lbs & 22 inches long.

**She likes her tummy. She is SO proud of herself when she lays on her tummy. We tell her how big she is and she grins.

**She loves her "friends" on a mobile in her crib. We turn on the music and immediately she smiles and looks for them.

**She loves bath time---But hates getting dressed after.

**She is attached to her Mommy & Daddy. She knows when we aren't holding her and actually has to warm up to most people. 

**She is a MOVER---we just let her kick kick kick, and wiggle wiggle wiggle. She will lay in my lap and kick for a solid hour. She's gonna be a busy one!

**She doesn't like to be bundled unless she is really tired. She likes her hands out, and even if we bundled her she finds a way to squeeze her arms out!

**She is a happy baby...she is smiling a lot more, and likes to talk talk talk. 

**Her neck and tummy are ticklish! 

~**Our little family~**

~**Anyone that knows me---knows I adore kids.**~
I have too many boyfriends to count, and believe it or not I like my girl time too--playing barbies and house--ya know that kind of stuff!
I have always wanted to be a mommy.
**When Dallas and I got married--he wanted kids right away. Although he CLAIMS he didn't "really" but he did. I wanted to wait. And guess who always wins....ME!
**Over the next couple years we didn't really talk about having kids. We were just working and playing--AND trying to figure out the adjustments of being married. Marriage is hard. I mean lets be honest--men suck sometimes ;)!
**Finally we decided to THINK about having a child. A very wise person told us to start praying that we would know when the time was right--so we prayed. Every night we prayed--month after month after month--we prayed. Nothing.
**After months and months of prayer we got our answer--it was time!!! We were both really scared and excited--it was TIME!!!
**I honestly thought I would get pregnant right away--lets just say the Schaat's are "fertile mertiles!" After the first month I knew something was wrong--I just had a feeling.
**I wont go into details, but after a few months of research I started the dreaded--fertility. We prayed--day after day after day--month after month after month--we prayed.
**It was a ROLLER COASTER of emotion. Physically and mentally draining on both of us.
**We decided to move back to eastern Idaho-- I told Dallas the move alone would get me pregnant--this area is KNOWN for babies--LO AND BEHOLD-- 2 months later and over a year after doing fertility I was PREGNANT!!
**Every single doctors visit-- was worth it. Every single dollar spent-- was worth it. Every single prayer-- was worth it. Every single tear-- was worth it.

**~Our little card to announce the up coming birth!~**

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